I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
