there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
