i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
