I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
