My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
