A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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