im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
