u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
