The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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