If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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