I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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