I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
