i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
