if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
