Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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