y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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