That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
