We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
