Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
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The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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