Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
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never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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