remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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