We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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