he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
