I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
