he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
