The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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