I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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