Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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