I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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