Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
