All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
