Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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