I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
