forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
