You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
