Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
