It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
