He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
