If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
