But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
