Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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