Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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