I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
