I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
