So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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