I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
