hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
