Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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