I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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