I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
