Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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