I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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