I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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