how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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