i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the condom got lost in my hair
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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