good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
