It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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