Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
