At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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