Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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