I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
