Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
try to milk me bitch
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