Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
