at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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