so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
