Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.