I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
