if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
