Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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